


Loss

by i_am_zan



Series: A DGM Fanworks Initiative 2K17 (run by Kitty Bandit)/from tumblr [5]
Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: ... and he's just thinkin too!, Gen, more short small things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 04:46:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11268231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_am_zan/pseuds/i_am_zan
Summary: Day 5: D. Gray-man Fanworks Initiative 2K17: War. Hardship. ViolenceMarie meditates on his missing comrades.





	Loss

**Author's Note:**

> “Thus, I had so long suffer’d, in this quest,   
>  Heard failure prophesied so oft, been writ   
>  So many times among “The Band”—to wit," - Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came, Robert Browning

Marie is used to losing comrades. When he remembers Daisya, the reminiscence comes with mild melancholy and a twist of his chest. He does not think it hurts any more. This is war, and losing brothers-in-arm is part of the deal. Since before meeting Kanda – on mission after mission. This is no exception, but still Marie cannot help missing the old guy, and the bright spark that is Lavi (Marie can tell that some of it is real underneath all those extraneous layers). However, much like Krory, he too believes that they will see the Bookmen again. 

 

He misses the calm aura that Bookman always had about him. The many times they meditated together. He smiles because Bookman said that it was good for him to meditate with someone other than his useless apprentice. He commented that Lavi was too antsy to sit still for long unless his nose was in a book. Likewise, Marie didn’t mind sitting down with Kanda but it was never completely tranquil. Quiet, yes, but there was always a restless hum underneath the still composure. Marie knows it’s just that he gravitated towards the calm. Because it steadied him. 

 

Kanda had once asked why he was not angrier. Marie’s answer at the time was because he was with Kanda. And it’s true. He was roiling with anger. Anger at the Seconds Project, a twisted kind of anger that made his blood boil further when he thought that wounded like that he would never have found peace, that he would have been part of the Seconds. Really in and odd sort of way Kanda had saved him on more than one level. He could never in a lifetime repay that debt. Marie is just sad that Kanda has it so hard and wishes it were otherwise for him. Because if hardship and violence epitomise was, then Kanda’s life experience has it in spades.

 

To all; it might be Marie that was the rock, a centre. To the musician in him it was the others, the sound of the others that centred him. That gave him the core, to play the music he needed to. For a long while, before he met Kanda, day in day out, mission after mission, every loss of comrade, the only attack he had for Akuma had been dirges, laments and requiems. He was driving himself insane with the hopelessness of it all.

 

When he was injured and lost his eyesight he counted himself lucky not to have to witness it all any longer. When he was wounded and thought himself beyond help and that at last peace might be afforded him. Then he met Kanda. Forthright and stoic. Strong. Determined. And then he met Alma, and the strength didn’t leave Kanda but now it is all tinged with deep despair; a perpetual saudade. 

 

This is the war that the Earl has brought to them. Marie, since meeting Kanda, knowing Bak Chang’s loss, since losing Daisya has oddly found peace. It is this beatitude with which he imbues the Noel of Organon, and his Aria of Grief. He fills them with lithesome joy that is anathema to Akuma. He carries on knowing that Kanda is free to choose now, he carries on because he knows that he will cross paths with the Bookmen once again. Through the vicissitudes of war, he’ll keep the bonds of friendship alive with the music in his strings.

"~"~"~"

FIN 

**Author's Note:**

> Their steps—that just to fail as they, seem’d best.   
>  And all the doubt was now—should I be fit?” – Childe Roland to the Dark Tower came, Robert Browning
> 
>  
> 
> As ever, thank you for reading. Have a lovely day - Zan


End file.
